Total transparency - I am feeling super unmotivated and down right now. I spent all of last week laid up because my back went out. It was both a blessing and a curse; while the break from running all over the place was nice, I was left with a lot of free time to completely overthink everything and convince myself of several things that aren’t true.
I know I need to just suck it up and get back to my routines, but I’m scared to do so. This time when my back went out, it was completely out of nowhere. Prior to last Sunday, my back was pain-free for months and it was amazing. Most of you know that I have been actively dealing with this dumb injury for about 18 months. In the past when it has flared up I could pinpoint something that happened that led to being so sore, but that isn’t the case this time. I’m scared to get back into things because I’m scared that I will hurt myself again.
I don’t have very much patience, but I know that is what I need a lot of in this situation. I need to give my body time to heal and get stronger before I attempt max lifts again (or really any lift again), but it is so frustrating to not be able to do what everyone else is doing. At this point I am comfortable with modifying all the WODs to fit what I can do, but I can’t wait for the day when I can do what everyone else is doing and put at least the yellow plates on my barbell.
I’ve been wondering lately if I would be in a better position if I didn’t know what was wrong. Since I have an MRI of my back to reference, I know that my low back is totally messed up. But what if I didn’t know that? Would I be better or worse off? There is an interesting theory about this very topic, and there is a video about it on the CrossFit DeCO website. There are several of us in the gym that have been or are in similar positions as I am and I am curious about your opinion on this. So check out the video, and let me know! In the meantime, I’m going to try and snap out of it and get back to it. Have a great week!