Tillifinney's Journey - One more week!

  • By Eric Evenstad
  • 25 Jul, 2015
Join Tillifinney as we follow her fitness journey over six months, starting on April 16th, 2014. The highs, the lows, the goals, the PRs...she shares it all!

And now...Week 28!

So, this was supposed to be my last post, but I asked Leslie if I could treat the In­House comp as the more official end to the whole thing and blog after that instead. Next Wednesday, friends. Get ready for it. Maybe even get a tissue or two. Shoot, I’ve needed a whole bunch already and I’m four sentences into not even my last official blog post. Bear with me...

This week’s theme is change. I’ve dealt almost exclusively with change for the past six months, and I think I’m at a point now where it doesn’t scare me as much as it once did. Change is a scary thing, especially for a Type­A, borderline OCD person like me. Is something going to be different? When? Where? For how long? How many outfits do I need? Do I need to pack lunch AND dinner? I should bring a notebook and pen, just in case I need to write something down. See what I mean? Whoa. Change.

I have had several good conversations with several different friends, especially over the past week, about things that have to do with change. Something that I think I have talked about before that has been in the forefront of my mind lately is living with the belief that everything happens for a reason. I think I still believe this, but now I am less sure that the reasons are always blatantly evident. Sure, when life throws you lemons, you can make lemonade, or juggle, or squeeze some into some water based on a cute Pinterest recipe, but why did life throw you lemons in the first place? Why are children diagnosed with cancer? What is the reason for that? Sure, you can think of things and reason with it forever, and maybe all of those things will eventually become true, but you can’t ever pinpoint one reason to such a tragedy. It takes a little bit of a belief in yourself to believe that everything happens for a reason. What was the exact reason I showed up to CrossFit DeCO on February 1st, 2014? I don’t know, but I know that there have been so many amazing benefits and experiences because of it, that I believe it happened for a reason.

Another thing that has been on my brain lately is really staying present. I don’t think I have decided yet if staying present and living in the moment are one in the same. I think that living in the moment is way more difficult, and that I’m not at a point yet where I can do that successfully. Even as I sit here and write this sentence my brain is in a moment that it can’t live in and be happy. So instead of doing that, it is taking things one word at a time, then clicking over to Facebook to call Tyler out on a #superfanfail, then to Spotify to see what everyone is listening to, then back to the blog. Staying so present that there isn’t any time to wander. Sometimes being present may mean being really uncomfortable, or being really sad, and I think I’m ok with that, too. Staying present in moments where it’s hard to stay present is going to help me grow into a better version of myself. It’s going to help me make my best better. Right now, I can’t quite do that all the time, but I think I’m improving, even if it’s just on a very small scale.

Something that I really appreciate about being at DeCO is that you don’t really have a choice but to stay present. If you don’t stay present, so much could slip, and you could really hurt yourself. If you don’t stay present, you might miss that instead of doing normal wall balls, you’re actually doing 80 weighted squats and it isn’t a bargain at all. You might miss some of the best moments with some of the best people that are right by your side, pushing you, encouraging you, and helping you every step of the way.

About a month or so ago, I read this . It happened in that phase where my social media knew more about me than I knew about myself. Take a second to read it. If you don’t want to read the whole thing, skip down to the poem at the end. I’ll wait.

Did you read it? Really. Go. Here’s the link again , in case you didn’t see it up there.

I love it. Look how much can change in six seconds. Now I’m not totally sure I agree with changing someone’s story as much as I think you can impact someone’s story. Changing someone’s story in six seconds is totally possible, but impacting it is more likely, and I think almost more powerful. This got me thinking about all the things I have had that have changed or impacted my story over the past 6 months. Now, I’m not going to format it as eloquently, but here is a nice, bulleted list of things that have stood out to me that have impacted or changed my story since April 16th, in no particular order.

In six months, one can:

  • Become comfortable with being uncomfortable
  • Learn to crave predictability
  • Fall in love
  • Improve squat technique and form
  • Regress in said improvements, and cry about it while it’s happening
  • Lose weight
  • Gain muscle
  • Change relationships with food
  • Change relationships with friends
  • Feel comfortable with accepting compliments
  • Gain a sense of humility
  • Hit rock­bottom
  • Make some of the best friends in the whole world
  • Actually look forward to double unders
  • Lift a bunch of heavy shit
  • Fall out of love
  • Deal with a bunch of heavy shit
  • Learn to crave spontaneity
  • Learn to like beer
  • Experience a lot of firsts, lasts, and PRs
  • Learn a lot about him/herself
  • Learn the most important pieces of living the happiest life possible
  • Impact others’ stories
  • Have others impact his/her own story
  • Grow into the person he/she should be
  • Find what is at the true core of him/herself
  • Be about it

A lot can change in six months, friends. It’s crazy to think that 6 months have passed, and that I have shared so much with all of you. I am a very different person now than I was in April, and who’s to say whether that would be the same with or without CrossFit. I can’t say enough about what this journey has done for me in terms of personal growth (and loss), but it has been life­changing.

I hope that over these past six months I have impacted your story. I hope that I have said something that has maybe inspired you to change something, or that I have been there for you when you have needed help or extra words of encouragement. I hope I continue to be that person for you, and I hope you continue to be that person for me. I hope I can continue to impact your story and help you through changes, because I know I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. Yes, you. Do something great today, friends. I will if you will.
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